community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
