I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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