I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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