I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
