no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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