My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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