We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
