just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
this hospital has no fireball
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
