the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
