I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
