if i can run in heels then i can drive
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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