Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
