a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
