strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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