i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
