see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
