I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
