I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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