oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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