I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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