I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
