'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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