so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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