I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
