I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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