I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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