took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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