did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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