you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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