If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
