Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
