Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
handjob tips. give me some.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
