is your mom at the bar?
if you like me you must not know who I am
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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