It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
