Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
