I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
