I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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