Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
