How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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