Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
did i just pee glitter
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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