So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
