She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
FUCK WHALES
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
