I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm jealous of your bromance
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Girls should come with a carfax report
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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