are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
