Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
