That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
