beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
