There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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