I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
