i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
