Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
