Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I want to make a zoo with you.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
